Chapter 20 — Stuck in Bed
Rufus considers the different natures of time.
Followed by Chapter 20 —— Stuck in Bed, in which Mica grapples with the fact that Saskia really can slip in time, and Saskia grapples with how to get out of bed.
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Hello Friends,
It occurred to me the other day that time is both malleable and fixed. Let me explain: We live in the moment and certain things feel like they’ll never happen. And then, they do. And then, they’ve always been that way.
When you're in high school it feels as though high school will never end, at least that’s how it felt to me. But then, one day I was graduating. And now, my time sitting in the classroom, braiding the hair of girls I had a crush on and playing boxes——that game where you connect vertices on a square lattice to make … well, boxes——now those days, and that time, are but a memory.
In some very real sense we can only ever live in the now. No other time exists. The same holds true for fictional characters, even in stories involving time travel. They live in the moment in which the story is currently taking place.
And despite all of that, it’s important to process change. Sometimes we’re in the moment when those changes happen, but often we absorb the milestone events after the fact; an old friend you haven’t seen in a while now has a kid entering preschool. Weirdly, that child never spent time crawling or nursing. For you, they just started life as a fully formed toddler!
Or maybe you have a friend who has been working towards a new career, and when you catch up, not only has she started it, in her mind she’s already moving onto the next thing. The anticipation she had for the major life shift——the reason she devoted all that time and energy to the shift——it turned out to be illusory. The years spent becoming what she hoped were not so much misplaced, but when she arrived where she was headed, it was not the thing she thought she was striving for. And by the time you are aware of everything, she’s headed in a new direction. Destination unknown, perhaps, but not where she is, and certainly not headed for where she was headed.
Life is indeed what happens while we’re busy making other plans.
I believe these musings underpin some of what attracts us to time travel stories. That, and the promise that time travel offers the prospect of undoing things that have been done, which makes the past as uncertain as the future. That holds allure, because we can always imagine the future to be what we want. It’s oddly ephemeral, in a way that the past is cemented in place (excepting the obviously fallible nature of our memory; but that’s a subject for another day’s commentary).
Until next week, be kind to someone and keep an eye out for the ripples of joy you’ve seeded.
Cheerio
Rufus
PS. If you think of someone who might enjoy joining us on this experiment, please forward them this email. And if you are one of those someone’s and you’d like to read more
And now, without further ado, here’s chapter twenty, in which Mica grapples with the fact that Saskia really can slip in time, and Saskia grapples with how to get out of bed.
— 20 —
Stuck in Bed
The sight, even though it only lasted an instant, of Saskia and her future self, either side of Mica’s kitchen table, had irrevocably changed Mica’s mind about the veracity of Saskia’s claims. Seeing both sides of a loop in time, in the same place at the same time, was more incontrovertible than the other encounters she’d had to that point.
Curiously, it also endeared Saskia to Mica. No longer did Mica fear she was being taken for a ride. She now understood, in her bones, that she’d been taken into Saskia’s confidence. She felt as if she was in the car with Saskia, the two of them bandits in a get away vehicle.
Mica looked out over the water, at the moonlight kissing the visible peaks of the swell. “I’m glad you won the lottery.”
Saskia, who was also gazing out over the ocean, turned back to Mica and raised an eyebrow.
“It’s what brought you to me.” She put an arm about Saskia and pulled her closer.
“If I’d known it was my path here, I would have started buying lottery tickets a long time ago.” Saskia laughed. “But I still have a nagging feeling like Hugo was right——that I cheated.”
Mica reassured Saskia that most lottery winners felt that way, and that those who didn’t, either didn’t need or didn’t deserve their win, or were so karmically due for it that even they saw it that way. Saskia mirrored Mica’s one-arm embrace and the two of them walked silently along the sand, side by side at the edge of the waterline, retreating together whenever the waves made a run at them.
Finally, Mica broke the silence. “We all make mistakes, you know.” Saskia gave Mica’s shoulder a squeeze of thanks, but Mica wasn’t done. “I screwed my parents over once.”
Again, Saskia raised an eyebrow.
Mica described how, a few years ago, she’d lobbied her parents and some of their friends to help fund a green project she’d gotten involved with. It had felt great to be a part of something that was turning the tide on the climate disaster, no matter in how small a way. Unfortunately, the project turned out to be a boondoggle at best, though more likely the architects had had straight up fraudulent intent. “I pushed so hard, and when it all went belly up——I was so embarrassed. Nobody held me to account. I mean, they were all adults, but . . .”
Saskia kissed Mica’s forehead as they came to a stop. Together, they gazed out over the vast black ocean in front of them. Sure, the moonlight sparkled on the crests, but the troughs of the waves held an inky blackness.
For Mica, though, a dam had burst. The emotions she’d bottled up for so long erupted, along with tears of relief. “I wasn’t legally responsible, but——I felt icky, and wrong. I’ve never talked about it. Not to anyone.”
“Bonnie and Clyde?” Saskia asked, striving to lighten the mood.
Mica gave Saskia a crooked smile. “It’s all just detritus in the annals of my life’s history now.”
“It’s part of being on the cutting edge. Crypto is so much less important than renewables, and there bad actors there too. At least you were trying to push a good cause.” Saskia’s words warmed Mica’s heart——even if their underpinning rationales were different; Saskia’s skepticism of crypto, and Mica’s love of renewables. “Did it change anything in you?”
“Yes! It did. It motivated me to write up a deep dive on which charities do the best real work.” The thought of that investigation put a twinkle back in Mica’s eyes, but it faded. “I still get people calling about that article. I’m still ashamed of what motivated it, though.”
Saskia turned to face Mica. “We’ve all done that sort of thing. And we keep it to ourselves, because we’re ashamed.” She gently squeezed Mica’s forearm. “But we shouldn’t. Keep it to ourselves, that is.” She took a breath and gazed back out over the ocean, then back at Mica, pep returning to her. “And shining a light on which charities are worth supporting! How else would I know which youth summer programs to steer my booty towards?” Saskia paused. “We all do what we can.”
Mica looked directly into Saskia’s eyes. “Stay the night.”
∞
Mica’s bedside clock showed 5:52am, and the sky outside began to lighten ever so slightly. Saskia lay beside her new girlfriend——was lover too much? How quickly did such appellations confer?
Whatever the case, Saskia was not about to wake her sleeping beauty. Instead, her mind drifted back to last night. Mica had been so overwhelmed by the Saskia’s brief two-fold appearance, either side of her kitchen table, that Saskia had opted to slow-roll further revelations. Specifically, Saskia hadn’t mentioned her double, waiting back at her house. Not even when Mica had asked about Tomato.
She’d assured Mica that Tomato had plenty of food, eliding over her dependence on her doppelganger’s required role in opening another sachet of the good stuff. “He’ll probably enjoy a day’s peace,” Saskia had cannily perjured herself. Her double was, no doubt, making herself comfortable in her——no, their house.
The beside clock ticked over to 6:04. If she didn’t want to wake Mica, then Saskia was stuck. To her left lay Mica, but her exit out the right side of the bed was just as impassably blocked by Fish. She didn’t trust herself to slip by him, either. And, if Fish awoke, then surely he’d wake Mica too. It was a cat’s way to want breakfast as soon as his slumber was spoiled.
She recalled picking Tomato up when he materialized on the end of her own bed. She would force a snuggle on him. But he’d be restless, and though he would tolerate her affection, he’d leave when the opportunity arose. She’d made the same mistake on many occasions, and she’d been proud of herself when she did show a moment of growth one day, and left him to himself at the end of the bed. That said, she’d still foisted herself upon him since. It was impossible not to want to steal a little cuddle. But, pick him up and put him back down, his rest was invariably broken and he’d leave to investigate the garden out back.
She’d often wondered where he went. Who knew the secret life of cats?
No, waking Fish wouldn’t do.
So there she lay, pinned in bed, under the bedsheets, with Fish on one side and Mica on the other. Then it occurred to her. Saskia had the ability to move forwards, or backwards, in time, and, by doing so, she could get out from under the bedsheets. Two options, really. Was one better than the other?
She concluded that backing up made more sense; if she went forwards, then when Mica awoke, she’d see Saskia slipping forwards in time, and who knew how that would play? Besides, if she went forward, she’d need to go back again to give herself time to brew coffee and whip up a beautiful breakfast. Why not simply slip back to before the point that Fish joined them on the bed?
The thought of Mica finding her in the kitchen, in the oversized T-shirt Mica had lent her. Looking sexy as all get up ... Fish twitched, and for a moment she worried that the electric tingle that rippled through her body had piqued Fish’s slumbering antennae. But he soon resettled himself.
Unfortunately, as soon as Saskia committed to her plan, her body was hit by a jolt of pain. The electric tingle of anticipation flipped to electric shock. And it hit her entire body at once. As if an anchor had dropped from Saskia’s body, right into the flow of time, and yanked her every fiber with it. She lurched up violently.
Saskia’s pitch forward simultaneously sent Fish flying, and woke Mica in fright.
